TLDR: Grief sucks
It's funny we don't talk about death. It's one of the few things all of us have in common with each other and we're all gonna die. (I mean depending on your faith, maybe not) Plus death is cross-species. Yet it feels like no one mentions it.
Almost everyone has lost someone, a friend, a parent, family, pets, yet when somone mentions it we go "Man that sucks...anyways-". And yeah, the dead part is usally quick- you're alive, then you're not. But somtimes dying takes a awhile. And grief (the real kicker) can take forever.
Sometimes it feels like I'm grieving constantly. I'm thinking about people I've lost, and pre-grieving for those I will lose.
My therapist said to me today, "...[they're] dead. And nothing will change that." and she right. It hit me so hard, as if I was hearing it for the first time. But I'm not, they have been dead for over 6yrs. And every memory with them, including the good ones, is painful. Their death changed my life, it changed my family's life. And yet, no one talks about death.
My best friends parent recently passed. I wish I could help her. I wish I could reverse it. But I can't. All we can do is talk about it and I don't even know how to do that. People execpt her to 'go back to normal' but how could she? How can anyone? Someone who could talk and laugh, make jokes, have kids, influence lives, is gone. And nothing can change that.
I'm a very logical person. I think through my actions, consider every side, I do my research. But I simply have a hard time fathoming the end of it all, someone becoming dis-animated. I'm afraid I'm not meant to understand. I afraid that I will one day find one that somtimes, "Bad things happen to good people", and that, "There are some things that no one can change". I will never have all the answers. But wish I knew how to talk about the emptiness I find when I look within myself to answer them.
Maybe religion is the answer. I keep coming back to that. I was raised with it so it makes sense why I so drawn to it. It's comforting thinking that no only is death out of your control, but everything else is too. I'm not sure if I can buy into all of it though.
TLDR- Grief sucks. I wish I could talk about it.